Meant to Live

As my dad drove me home from the biggest night of my high school career, I couldn't get the chorus of Switchfoot's song "Meant to Live" out of my head. It asks, "We were meant to live for so much more; have we lost ourselves?" Ian, Natalie, Mrs. Frisk, and Mr. Greene all made points in their well-spoken speeches that made me want not to be like the man in the song who has potential but has never worked hard to reach it. I don't want to be useless to God for the sake of immediate self-gratification or comfort, like playing a video game or doodling instead of getting my homework done on time. I can't believe I struggle with that! — A wonderful song that I learned just last year at Grace Academy reflects that desire to be useful rather than idly comfortable: "Go then, earthly fame and treasure; come, disaster, scorn, and pain. In Thy service, pain is pleasure. With Thy favor, loss is gain." I have it written in my journal for English that I used for last year and this year, and am now using for my quiet time. Here's what I partially prayed, partially composed (if I can scan the two pages later, I will):

September 23, 2005
Lord, thank You for paitently waiting for me to turn away from my sins,
my stupid habits, and turn the [right] way to You. The brink of tears... on
that, yes, that's how I feel when thinking of the moments, the hours, where I
could hav prayed to You for people who really need it (all people
do). The tears become tears of joy when [I then think] of how to serve You. Is
that You calling me? Or am I simply feeding on selfish look-what-I-will-be
thoughts? GO, earthly [fame] and treasure, as the writer of "Jesus, I My Cross
Have Taken" said!

Go then, [earthly] fame and treasure,
Come, disaster, scorn and pain;
In Thy service pain is pleasure,
[With] Thy favor, loss is gain.
Bless Your name! Yes, unto it be glory and my life.

I will write my biggest fear that lunges up in my mind whenever I
think about following You:

I look around the pretty, Roman palace room with aquamarine
tapestries and stone and marble pillars. Two imposing figures in black holding
shovels, [standing along] a sizable hole, are behind a stately-clothed, portly
ruler. He demands, "Do you believe Christ is the Son of God?" My eyes feel hot
as I let out a clear "Yes." I am placed into the hole, higher than me;
shovelfuls of sand whip my face and the hole starts to fill —

—I also have a scary thought like that about being drowned for my
beliefs. I can't feel the stone chained to my ankle as I think about it, but
it's still very powerful. No! It shouldn't... it shouldn't be —

These have been lingering on ever since I read some of Jesus
Freaks Volume II in this spring break, I believe. I suppose it's good
for me to be challneged like that, though... would I give my life for the sake
of Christ, no matter how long I am left suffering with just my thoughts ? Jesus,
how can I say I value and have a passion for You... Help me... Please — let me
find optimism for You, not worry.

I think I'll either blog this to all my readers or talk with Mom
and Dad and Nechie sometime at dinner about it. Or both. Or Pastor Brad once I
get to know him and he me more. You took away my sins and [You] make my heart
beat. I know You can ease my prayers. And help me serve You. Thank You for this
life's purpose of mine, that I'm part of the most important thing in the history
of the universe — making my life, through Christ's strength, fit for Your use
and [giving] You worth. I have a glorious duty!

Love, Your Servant,
LaShani Rios

I hope you didn't mind the grammatical errors and slight cheese factor. If you also struggle with having the initiative to let God work through you and effectively be an example to others, check out James 1:2-5 and Philippians 4:6-7. I used to be super-fearful, but through my experiences God is making me more like Christ, particularly in loving and being grateful for and to Him, and bolder in sharing my Christian walk with my family and church. (If you'd like specific examples of how I've grown in that area, or you'd like for me to help you more with God's word, drop me a few lines at riralari89 [at] yahoo [dot] com.) Now I have to work on letting the obviously-not-Christian (but perhaps wondering) people at my new job know that I am different; and that serving God, not finding a significant other or getting rich or being comfortable, is the only real, true Source of satisfaction.